What am I like?

"Work is worship. Art is a blessing."

In an innocuous and honest hunt for some hidden but voluntary talent among a bunch of novice interns, an employee asked us: Do any of you posses any artistic talent/ interests?

The question, by being electronic, was passive in nature. It invited a response not demanded one. Because it would have been the same as accepting an invitation, I was reluctant to offer an answer. This form of diffident reluctance alone should be able to convince you that I am not an artist by any stretch of imagination. What I am is a wanna be and I am here to give a detailed account of the talents I pretend and the hobbies I posses.

I love cricket. That's about the most truthful I can be in any regard. I love cricket. Sure I don't go to matches or even consider them worthy of my time anymore but I love cricket. I'd like you to think that I am particularly awed by this one cricketer and that without him I fight the strongest of my instincts and boycott the game just to cater to the childish lover inside of me. But what I conveniently miss out of my constant broadcast is the complete disregard/ ignorance for the spirit of the sport, pride of the nation, relevance of other fans, the values of the glorious Tendulkar and the fact that I love cricket.

When I was a bit younger i.e. when reality was blurred and hopes were hopes, I picked up the occasional brush and painted. I was not bad at it. I am proud of a few pieces of artwork that survived the menace of negligence. I brag a lot that I don't brag at all, and I didn't brag about my unevaluated gift with the sketches. My father told me I was good. I knew I was not bad. The right thing to do was to keep learning but of course I chose to do the easy thing and did nothing. In short, I am lazy and afraid of being criticized and I am not bad at it either.

I enjoy music but that's natural since I have the faculties to listen and interpret. I think I can sing but that's natural too since I am human. Don't contain me to be just another bathroom singer, I can actually sing with an ordinary voice but some natural ability, the limits of which I acknowledge making me more rational than shy in this case. The last bit wasn't natural.

I am bad to look at from the outside. Then again I am awesome to know from the inside. I often have an awesome train of thoughts and when I am busy being unattractive, I am actually constantly being awesome. All of my awesome thoughts are a product of my awesome brain which is the case with everyone, I know this cause I am awesome. I enjoy puzzles, I like it when I understand the difficulty of a problem and I love it when I can produce/ reproduce the solution. Being geeky is in trend these days. That's because being an actual geek is actually awesome. Trust me, I'd know cause I am awesome, I mean a geek.

Among all of the things that I have the highest of regards like money, power and influence; "not being judgmental", is one such thing. And of course to not be judgmental would require a perspective as objective as Java. (It's a computer joke, pretending to be a computer person is my day job. I am sorry.) To be objective one needs to distant emotions and impulses. To mask emotions, one would be required to shut a part of the brain known wrongfully as "the heart and/ or the soul" and be logical. I can be logical. I can tell what is right and how it's not always what I want and that I want it anyway. A part of the brain (I mean the heart and the soul) and hence emotions and their consequential impulses are inseparable from any living being's conscious. We can't ignore emotions, in fact the whole point of being logical is acknowledging these "feelings" and finding a boring balance, not some exciting exaggeration. Bottom line is that one shouldn't be judgmental. God I know a lot. Perhaps I can be a good judge. Wait, was that to soon to be a hypocrite? Perhaps I can be a good politician. (In case you didn't notice, that was me being judgmental.)

I am not quite sure what my point is exactly. I have rambled a bit (or more), bragged a bit (or more), expressed my sorry self a bit (or more); basically I had an idea and I ran with it, enjoying every bit of the ride (or more). Isn't that what an artist is supposed to do? Since all this while I've been writing, doesn't that make writing an art? It sure as shell does, but does that make me an artist? No. It makes me a wanna be and I wanna be a writer. But first I wanna be rich, handsome and a genius.