Bathroom Programmer

The entirety of this blog piece is a desperate attempt to bring about some coherence to a made up, potential possessing, loose analogy. The analogy I’ll be attempting to draw is between a well-established kind of being in the society i.e. bathroom singers and a relatively new brand of programmers also known (to me only) as bathroom programmers.

The name bathroom singer has the word bathroom in it for quite literal reasons. But I’d to like think there is more to this word than being just an associative noun. In my opinion, bathroom here serves as an adjective. An adjective quantifying the geographical as well as the demographical range of the singer being. What I mean is that singing whilst using the bathroom may just be a severe symptom but people exhibiting this symptom are not the only bathroom singers out there. Trust me, I’d know on behalf of being one. We can still use the word bathroom because it’s hilarious but a more inviting and honorable definition of a bathroom singer should be a singer being a singer only when there is no one around and nowhere to be.

Without wasting any more of your precious and my pretentious time, let me offer a tentative definition of a bathroom programmer:

A programmer being a programmer only when there is no one around to test the program and no place to use it.

While the whole point of singing is the expression of emotions for the purposes of either be entertaining or be entertained; the point of programming is mostly just having a point. But just as a bathroom singer causes amusement to only himself, our bathroom programmer solves a problem made up only by himself.

Most of us have had a consistent run as a clandestine rock star; performing under the influence of a variety of emotions or none of them at all; transcended from the mediocrity that is most lives; aiming at an escape so short it escapes as soon another thought enters the conscience. Then there are some, talented with limitless limits; working with short spanning discipline; trying to have a similar escape.

Another important issue in art circles of any radius is that of authenticity. An artist is rarely appreciated if all he has to show are reincarnations of someone else’s work. But imitating others is the bread and butter of a bathroom singer/ programmer. A bathroom programmer will often hear about some cool little thing someone else did, then he would probably look up how they did it. This would of course be followed by an attempt to redo the entire thing or mostly only the easiest subset. The difference between the original and the latest is often just quality, quantity, efficiency, applicability, meaning and purpose.

It’s hard to let someone else in on your side art isn’t it? Especially if that someone is renowned in the very same field. You would probably feel embarrassed too if you’re asked to show your favorite program that you rarely shut up about in your little friendly circle, in front of an accomplished singer with the most melodious voice. I might have stretched that last bit, impressing some singer dude is easy. You just arrogantly ask them if they want to play tic-tac-toe using your “software project”. What’s actually hard is impressing someone who has been around computers enough to see through your poor design, vision and implementation. Moreover these computer people probably won’t even appreciate you singing. They’re awful. I want to be one of them.